Christmas...Mississippi style

Well yall lets try this one on for size.

Twas the night before christmas
And all round the trailer
Not a thing was to be heard
'Cept ole ed drivin that damn hay bailer.

The socks was throwed up
By the rusty stove pipe,
And we left ol santy a plate
Of greens and beef tripe.

Sue Ellen and Bubba had been sent to bed
And they was dreamin bout the new bass boat
Out there in the shed

My ole lady lit a menthol
And started to bitch
You know that kinda shit
That'll give a grown man a twitch.

Then all of a sudden we heerd a big bang
So I grabed my .45
And got ready to kill somthing Goddang.

I busted through the door
In nothing but my shorts
I figured it was a nigger
Or one of their sort.

The moon was out
But fog had set in
So i triped on the lawnmower
And busted my shin.

But now you listen here ...
Yawl wont belive this shit,
There was Santy Clause
Havin a laughin fit.

He stood there a grinin
With that one yellow tooth
Then he said boy did you know
Theres a hole in your roof?

He asked me for rope
Or even some chains
Cause when he landed
He broke one of the reigns.

He had all them whitetails
Standin in line
And I couldnt help but think
They would taste might fine.

They all had names
But hell if I member cause id done got pissed,
On his way in
The sombitch topped out my timber.

Well I cussed him up one side
And then down tha other.
But nothing seemed to faze him
I even called him a mother.

He said now looky here
Im sorry bout those trees
aAnd I do feel bad
Bout that gash in your knee.

But now hang on a second
And ill make it up to you.
He got that bag
And dumped it all out,
Enough toys clothes and junk
To make any brat shout.

I said look ole man
You aint got nothin i need
But then i spied that sack
Of Purina dog feed.

I said well
I rekon i can take that
But we still aint even
You crazy old bat.

He kept on diggin
And come out with some skoal
But not that much ,
Hell it was half a roll.

A six pack got added
And then a nascar cap
But we both knew
#24 wasnt worth crap.

He looked with a twinkle
In both of his eyes
And said what do you need
Or do you want a surprise?

I mulled over this
For a short little spell
Then he laughed and said I got somthing here
You cant even catch on sale.

He grabed that red bag
And started givin it a shake
Then out fell a new motor
With a Holly intake!

I said now we bout right
But one more thing,
How come you stoped here
Or is this a dream?

But he didnt answer
Instead he just smiled
Jumped in the sleigh
And cracked that whip like wild.

Then all them deers
Lit out of that gate
Reminded me of Richard Petty
Comin through turn 8.

I took all my stuff
And threw it in the door
Then stood there and watched
Till i couldnt see him no more.

Now I do want to thank you
For readin this yarn
I tried mixin classics
With a little trailer trash charm.
But please dont forget
The true christmas meaning this year
And yall have a safe and happy new year.

Merry Christmas