Christmas...Mississippi style

Well yall lets try this one on for size.

Twas the night before christmas
And all round the trailer
Not a thing was to be heard
'Cept ole ed drivin that damn hay bailer.

The socks was throwed up
By the rusty stove pipe,
And we left ol santy a plate
Of greens and beef tripe.

Sue Ellen and Bubba had been sent to bed
And they was dreamin bout the new bass boat
Out there in the shed

My ole lady lit a menthol
And started to bitch
You know that kinda shit
That'll give a grown man a twitch.

Then all of a sudden we heerd a big bang
So I grabed my .45
And got ready to kill somthing Goddang.

I busted through the door
In nothing but my shorts
I figured it was a nigger
Or one of their sort.

The moon was out
But fog had set in
So i triped on the lawnmower
And busted my shin.

But now you listen here ...
Yawl wont belive this shit,
There was Santy Clause
Havin a laughin fit.

He stood there a grinin
With that one yellow tooth
Then he said boy did you know
Theres a hole in your roof?

He asked me for rope
Or even some chains
Cause when he landed
He broke one of the reigns.

He had all them whitetails
Standin in line
And I couldnt help but think
They would taste might fine.

They all had names
But hell if I member cause id done got pissed,
On his way in
The sombitch topped out my timber.

Well I cussed him up one side
And then down tha other.
But nothing seemed to faze him
I even called him a mother.

He said now looky here
Im sorry bout those trees
aAnd I do feel bad
Bout that gash in your knee.

But now hang on a second
And ill make it up to you.
He got that bag
And dumped it all out,
Enough toys clothes and junk
To make any brat shout.

I said look ole man
You aint got nothin i need
But then i spied that sack
Of Purina dog feed.

I said well
I rekon i can take that
But we still aint even
You crazy old bat.

He kept on diggin
And come out with some skoal
But not that much ,
Hell it was half a roll.

A six pack got added
And then a nascar cap
But we both knew
#24 wasnt worth crap.

He looked with a twinkle
In both of his eyes
And said what do you need
Or do you want a surprise?

I mulled over this
For a short little spell
Then he laughed and said I got somthing here
You cant even catch on sale.

He grabed that red bag
And started givin it a shake
Then out fell a new motor
With a Holly intake!

I said now we bout right
But one more thing,
How come you stoped here
Or is this a dream?

But he didnt answer
Instead he just smiled
Jumped in the sleigh
And cracked that whip like wild.

Then all them deers
Lit out of that gate
Reminded me of Richard Petty
Comin through turn 8.

I took all my stuff
And threw it in the door
Then stood there and watched
Till i couldnt see him no more.

Now I do want to thank you
For readin this yarn
I tried mixin classics
With a little trailer trash charm.
But please dont forget
The true christmas meaning this year
And yall have a safe and happy new year.

Merry Christmas

Wow two in as many days. I seriously dont have a social life. But somthing has been bugging me and I wanna get it out. Why if any of you can tell me do people try to be somthing they are not? One thing I hate is fake people(on a side note for those of you who truly know me you also know that I dislike almost everybody) but i really can not stand fake people. I mean do they think by lying about what or who they are that I think more of them? Just to make an example ...seminary students now a days have an air about them that I havent seen with (for lack of a better way of saying it) folks who do have somthing to brag about. Big deal you have a degree in pastorial ministry. Nobody gives a shit. You are still in a lowly paid profession that comes with a boatload of stress and no job secuirty what so ever. Yet they still love to wear the three peice suits and have the black berry on the belt becuase they are sombody. Well whooptifuckingdo.I could choose to go on about the whole pastors being arrogant asses deal but that is for another blog entirly. But back to what im getting at.. Why try to be somthing your not? Some of the most down to earth folk I have run across and had conversations with are convicted murders. I learned a lot in the time I spent as a corrections officer and if you want to see some one not trying to put on a front talk a walk in a felony pod with 10 or 15 people on murder,rape or kidnapping charges. They have nothing to prove. They also have nothing to lose but that to is a whole different story that I will have to cover at a later time. But anyway this still aint out like I had it in my mind but I cant think of how else to put it.More comin sooner or later...And I still need that beer.